“Do you know what happens when you are loved?”
Like every question you ask me, I shook my head ‘no’ and you moved back into your seat, reclined your back to the sofa, tapped your fingers on your thigh…and laughed.
An easy laugh…you are master of these laughs. I leaned back in my seat watching you tap your fingers…did I ever tell you that I love how nimble and slender they are? I enjoy watching your fingers…simple automated things you call them, but to me, they reveal more than you know.
So, you let out a long sigh and shake your head, stare at me…hold my gaze until I look away.
“You give me bits and pieces of yourself, like you are medicine and I’m an invalid.”
I shake my head but I know you see what I let you and that scares me, for I have revealed too much.
“I’m a simple guy. I guess, sometimes I never know whether you are psycho-analyzing me or just being yourself, and that’s scary.”
I reach out for the cup of coffee before me, take a sip and hold your gaze. It’s here that I want to be. In this silence, in this moment-gazing at you, no distractions, just your essence and mine.
“Do you know what scares me about us?”
“No, what is it?” I ask.
“What scares me is that you have so much control over me and you don’t even know it. I seek you when I know that I shouldn’t. Sometimes when I am at work and I think of you, it’s like this force pulls me to my senses reminding me that I should call you or just find you…and then when I am with you, I know I can be who I am and you’ll always appreciate me. Do you know what happens when you are loved?”
“No, what happens?”
“You blossom…you suddenly open up and between you and I, there is this strange feeling that you have been opening me up while you continue closing in on yourself.”
“It’s an odd feeling…knowing that it all comes full circle.”