Confessions

“What would you do if I die? I wonder…like would you tell everyone you and I were close? What would you say if they asked ‘how close?’…I hate this…”

I look at everything in the room but you.

You have been here for two days, red watery eyes, blocked nose, a pounding headache, a certain loss of flavour but even then you still ask me the questions I would rather not be asked.

“Hey, I am sorry…my ears are buzzing, can you get me some painkillers, like strong stuff! No, get me a drink…kuna CM hapo kwa jikoni…karibu na gas…please”

“You cannot mix your medication with alcohol. Yaani homa tu na unakufa!”

“Hey, please…I know you love seeing me like this, but truth is, you’ll miss me when I’m gone.”

“You are not going anywhere, especially if you adhere to your doctor’s instructions, sit up, I got you some Dawa from Java.”

“You should marry Java, you breathe, eat, sleep and drink a Coffee House. It’s no wonder you haven’t made anything of our situation.”

“Sit up!”

“Now, don’t be harsh Love. I’ll have the Dawa and I promise I won’t ask you stupid questions, but really…you know what, my old man, Baba Phillip used to smoke before and after every meal. He’d joke that he had to heat up his system before and after a meal, so one time he went to the hospital and never came back. I was in class three I think, but Mom never cried, sometimes, I wonder if she ever did miss the old man.”

person holding cigarette
Ali Yahya/ Unsplash

“You are not your Father.”

“Well,  I spent all my life running away from him only to realize that I could not outrun what I already was, so, you never know…but look, if anything ever happened to me, would you cry?”

“Did you take some truth portion?”

“You always make me laugh…it’s hard being around me, but if you ever write about me, tell them how handsome and moody I am, who knows, someone might want to cast me in a movie and I can be famous.”

“Like you’d care…”

“If it’d make you say ‘yes’ then I would…give me that Dawa. You can go home, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll stay here and look at you…you never know, one day maybe just one day you’ll figure me out.”

“I already did Love, it’s you who is yet to give herself room to bloom…”


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