Nan asked me “why haven’t you ever told Javans about this crush you have on him? I mean, everyone who sees you around him for ten minutes can tell that you clearly have a thing for him.”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh, you know…you definitely know or should I call Maggie and make her ask you because then you might finally speak your truth? Look, I’ve got work tomorrow but for whatever reason, you two cannot become JJ unless you are straight with yourself.”
I waited until she’d left the restaurant before pulling out my diary from my bag. No one carries around pages of their innermost thoughts but since my friends dared me to reveal my feelings to Javans, I have been going back to every entry I made about Javans.
Like the first time we met on campus and he joined the group by flipping the chair backwards so he could rest his arms on the backrest. It’s the first reason why I was drawn to him and now that I look back on it, there was an essence to him, a certain warmth where he loved talking to people, getting known something that’s dimmed over the years.
If Maggie were here, she’d tell me to stop being sentimental unless I was on screen and getting paid for it. Louisa would tell me to catch a breath because Nairobi is not here for my emotions. Nan would laugh, but she’d stay back long after they’ve gone and give me a tight hug.