I have had a crush on Javans for six years. If you think this is a long time, then Maggie says it better “that’s long enough for someone to get a degree and a masters, na kama ameenda Europe hiyo miaka mbili imetosha Masters na PhD.”
Maggie has no speedometer. She also knows how to spin a lie so effectively you will never know it was a lie, like how she convinced us that she’s Maggie yet on graduation day she responded to Maria-Magretta Auma. I cannot call her Maria or Auma or Magretta because I value one, my ears and two, my forehead. Maggie is the reason why we’ve been banned from five clubs in Westlands because she knows how to strategically render you useless by merging her knuckles with the slight depression that distinguishes your nose from your forehead.
The year is coming to an end and my friends have decided that each one of us has to fulfill their resolutions, or in my case, die of shame trying.
Maggie, Nan, Akinyi and Louisa all voted on me coming clean and telling Javans that I have had the longest crush on him.
Nan said “Walk up to him and say ‘hey, I have had a crush on you from the first semester in campus,’ and smile.”
“Haiya! You do not jump out of the friendzone without a signal. Wait, is he still the girl with the inflammable weave?”
“Patricia? Yes, I think so.”
“You think so or you know for a fact that they are dating?”
“I don’t know, it’s not like I have ever asked him if they are steady or something like that.”
“Nan, you see how hopeless this one is? Sweetheart, listen, walk up to Javans and tell him you’ve liked him for six years and now 2018 is almost ending and your stupid friends bet that you’d not snag him.”
“Why should she tell him the truth?”
“Look, shut up all of you, who has dated most guys here? Right, me! Look, guys like attention and if she spins a tale about trying to win a bet? He’ll be game! In those few days she’ll get to spend time with him and if she likes him, we win! Besides, this one here…is just a mess, she needs this lie to get her going, trust me!”
And just like that, I had ten days to snag Javans! You’d think it was as easy as walking into a supermarket and picking something off the shelf.