Mark speaks to my existence.
It is for this sole purpose that when he pushed back his chair and reached out for my hand, I knew right there and then, that everything would be like the smoke. It was and was not there. It stung my nostrils, watered my eyes but even then, it only existed when I called it to the present moment.
“Christine, do you love roses?”
“Yes, who does not love roses?”
“Well, a lot of people believe that they are too cliche, but you remind me of a single rose, standing out in the dark. Do you know what I mean?”
“No, I am sorry I do subscribe to your philosophy, look, we need to talk, Mark.”
“We are talking. We have been since you got here.”
“It’s not that…look, can you stop playing with my hair…look, Mark, stop all that…sit down!”
“As you wish…let’s sit.”
“Look, Mark…this is just so difficult for me, how can we be together when what you do could harm your life or worse off, what would people say?”
“I am a Pharmaceutical Investor, what more would people say?”
“Mark, you told me that you deal in acquisition of organs, and we are talking about human beings, like do you simply receive a call for someone asking if they can get a kidney or say some blood and you make another call and voila, it’s done? It’s a crime, it’s wrong!”
“When you have a child who needs a blood transfusion but the hospital tells you that the blood bank cannot give it to him or her because they do not have it, what do you do? Do you sit back and watch your child die or do you post it on facebook, call other hospitals and keep asking until one person or two show up to save your child’s life?”
“It’s not the same Mark and you know it!”
“My dear, it is how you choose to see it and our healthcare system is plagued with so many ills. I worked as a Doctor for a year to realize this, but there is nothing as bad as knowing the system or the institution you belong to failed to achieve it’s mandate. People do not go to hospitals for a check-up, only to be wheeled to the morgue. Look, I am glad we are talking about this, and you are still reeling from it all, so tell me, what’s bugging you?”
“I don’t know, it’s just odd Mark. I mean, I never expected this and it’s just, I can’t explain what I feel.”
Yes, I leaned into his embrace and he held me as the night grew into her own. I had questions and I expected a sense of rage to overwhelm me, but every fire that burned in me was put out by Mark.
A charm for every doubt, my mother would call it, but even so, was this what I envisioned?
So, my love was with me, but so was every doubt, every fear and what threatened my love was not giving in to it, but giving in without giving caution a hearing.