The things I never say

It’s 3:15pm as I type this and a big part of me is thinking of standing in the middle of the road and yelling my rage out. The other part of me is seated in the corner sipping coffee, rolling her eyes and saying “like really? ain’t nobody got time for that.” The final piece of me is unmoved wondering when I will get my thoughts together and finally smile or act like the world is okay.

At this point, I simply have no care for all of it.

I am glad that I took time and went in for a much needed book haul.

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This month’s brought all kinds of reckoning with it and today was one of those days where I sat back and had to contain everything that I was feeling.

I had seconds of frustration that materialized to rage and from there an absolute sense of calm, I almost laughed out loud about it. Now as I sit here, watching the city come to life, there’s this couple seated at the table in front of me that’s been talking for an hour. The guy has his hand covering the girl’s and she shakes her head once in a while, trying to release her anguish, but he keeps it all in check-I’ve seen him struggle to get her to look into his eyes…and I feel out of odds for simply finding her neck so beautiful!

The kind of luscious cocoa neck that you’d want to run your finger slowly up the spine of it.

It’s been a stream of endless chatter but even as I end this, I know that I am not far from having this kind of feeling in writing and hopefully, for my sake as well as that of the gods of literature, it will materialize to something.

PS: I should probably stop singing and dancing along to Drake’s ‘In My Feelings.’

 


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