To illuminate a dark night

Life has its moments. Sometimes you are as bright as Venus but you are also enveloped by darkness. There are also some times when a spark comes along and ignites you, and slowly you start to illuminate a dark night.

Have you ever had the feeling that you could suddenly do something that you felt you’d never do?

I am talking about a small tingly feeling like “you’ve always got this” going on in your head.

As I write this I am humbled and in awe of mothers; single, married, engaged, divorced, separated, step-mothers, widows, baby mamas. It is an uphill task bringing forth another being into the world and pouring all the love and attention to them.

I also confer honor to fathers; single, married, divorced, separated, widowers, uncertain, serving time.

A spark’s been lit in me and for some reason I find myself questioning every time I put myself down. It is this bright orange spark that is bound to ignite a fire that I fear I would be unable to put out. I’ve compiled a collection of memories, thoughts, and written to my future daughter,things I’d love her to know. I even wrote a letter to her Dear Aurora but where am I going with this. The feeling that I could actually settle down scares me witless! (Replace the w with sh and you get my drift!)

Is it because I have had too much time on my hands since resigning from my job? Is it because I am writing at a leisurely pace that I can suddenly think of the unorthodox? Or maybe it’s all thanks to Hannah Doyle’s book “The Year of Saying Yes.” I read it this weekend and it’s about this feature writer at a magazine who says that instead of writing new year resolutions of things she would not do, she would start saying ‘yes’ to stuff and hence a dare game begins!

Well, one major thing is that I got accepted into the 20th YALI (Young African Leaders Initiative) cohort this year and I cannot wait to gain some much needed expertise and knowledge in Civic leadership and engagement. I have always wanted to take on a life-long project but for four years I’ve been swayed by responsibilities, bills, wanderlust, yearning for experience and the need to be more confident that I never saw it build up. I am looking forward to a great start, baby steps, just…baby steps!

I was going somewhere with this and it seems as though I have gone past my destination. Does this spark scare me? Does the thought of actually being great and embracing this new feeling scare me? A whole lot! I haven’t even had coffee! Coffee is bae and I haven’t been able to take one sip. There’s this phrase “do what scares you,” and for some reason this is the moment when it would fit a situation.

So, for what it’s worth, now I know how a candle feels as it gives light…and ladies and gentlemen, you have secured front row seats to a freak show!

Have a lovely week!

 


8 thoughts on “To illuminate a dark night

  1. Exactly! I’ve always been afraid of doing things that scare me but it’s really exciting doing them and I’ve also embarked on the journey of doing things am most scared to do.

    Liked by 1 person

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